Friday, September 11, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Just Some Random Funniness
OKay so this has nothing to do with parenting or anything.. it just made me laugh so hard my ribs hurt...my husband found it somewhere and showed me so im putting it here, dont know where it originally is from, dont care really... here it is...
1. -I wish Google aps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.2. -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I cantell my own story that's not only better, but also more directlyinvolves me.3. -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when yourealize you're wrong.4. -I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need todrink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire withflint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?5. -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized thatyou're going in the complete opposite direction of where you aresupposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walkingback in the direction from which you came you have to first dosomething like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gestureand mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the=2 0surroundingarea thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on thesidewalk.6. -That's enough, Nickelback.7. -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when Iwas younger.8. -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you mayknow" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberatelychoose not to be friends with?9. -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and itwouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that wouldmagically fix the problem. Every kid in America did th t, but how didwe all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. Wejust figured it out. Today's kids are soft.11.-There is a great need for sarcasm font.12.-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was youngerand suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when Ifirst saw it.13.-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actuallybecomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone'slaughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a littlebit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still theonly one who really, really gets it.14.-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?15.-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each handthan take 2 t ips to bring my groceries in.16.I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clearyour computer history if you die.17.-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying tofinish a text.18.A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to thespread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.19.Was learning cursive really necessary?20.Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".21.I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.22.Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on aScantron test is absolutely petrifying.23.My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquiredabout the name. He expla ned, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."Classy, bro.24.Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street sm art",all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".25.How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nodand smile because you still didn't hear what they said?26.I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teamsup to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,brothers!27.Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a completeidiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney andsaid "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"28.-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?29.While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road andinstinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.30.MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sureI know how to get out of my neighborhood.31.Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how theperson died.
32.I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in theshower first and THEN turn on the water.33.-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never getdirty, and you can wear them forever.34.I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu'to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with anoverweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."35.-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.36.Bad decisions make good stories37.-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that theirprofile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just gotthe Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind ifI do!38.Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?39.-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspringwould probably just be completely invisible.40.-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has togo around and say their name and where they are from, I get soincredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, thisshouldn't be a problem....41.-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment atwork when you've made up your min that you just aren't doing anythingproductive for the rest of the day.42.-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don'twant to have to restart my collection.43.-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you aregoing to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.44.-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asksme if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that Iswear I did not make any changes to.45."Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.46.-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of peoplewatching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but willthey judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren'twatching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up andleave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'47.-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times andgoes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phoneand run away?48.I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then notseeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.49.-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something shehasn't already told me but that I have learned from some lightinternet stalking.50.-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.51.-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruisingspeed for pedophiles...52.As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.53.-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and stillnot know what time it is.54.-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.55.-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know notto answer when they call.56.-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know whatdo to with it.57.-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their carkeys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on theDonkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snoozebutton from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first timeevery time...58.-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad whatwould happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond tothat?59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com andthe link takes me to a video instead of text.60.-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyonethey drive behind obeys the speed limit.61.-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.62.-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday orSaturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.63.-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag,saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to thinkabout it, and then estimated that there must be at least four peopleeating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating bymyself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastardbefore dinner
1. -I wish Google aps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.2. -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I cantell my own story that's not only better, but also more directlyinvolves me.3. -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when yourealize you're wrong.4. -I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need todrink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire withflint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?5. -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized thatyou're going in the complete opposite direction of where you aresupposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walkingback in the direction from which you came you have to first dosomething like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gestureand mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the=2 0surroundingarea thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on thesidewalk.6. -That's enough, Nickelback.7. -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when Iwas younger.8. -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you mayknow" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberatelychoose not to be friends with?9. -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and itwouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that wouldmagically fix the problem. Every kid in America did th t, but how didwe all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. Wejust figured it out. Today's kids are soft.11.-There is a great need for sarcasm font.12.-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was youngerand suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when Ifirst saw it.13.-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actuallybecomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone'slaughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a littlebit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still theonly one who really, really gets it.14.-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?15.-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each handthan take 2 t ips to bring my groceries in.16.I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clearyour computer history if you die.17.-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying tofinish a text.18.A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to thespread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.19.Was learning cursive really necessary?20.Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".21.I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.22.Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on aScantron test is absolutely petrifying.23.My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquiredabout the name. He expla ned, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."Classy, bro.24.Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street sm art",all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".25.How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nodand smile because you still didn't hear what they said?26.I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teamsup to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,brothers!27.Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a completeidiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney andsaid "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"28.-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?29.While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road andinstinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.30.MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sureI know how to get out of my neighborhood.31.Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how theperson died.
32.I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in theshower first and THEN turn on the water.33.-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never getdirty, and you can wear them forever.34.I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu'to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with anoverweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."35.-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.36.Bad decisions make good stories37.-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that theirprofile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just gotthe Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind ifI do!38.Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?39.-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspringwould probably just be completely invisible.40.-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has togo around and say their name and where they are from, I get soincredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, thisshouldn't be a problem....41.-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment atwork when you've made up your min that you just aren't doing anythingproductive for the rest of the day.42.-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don'twant to have to restart my collection.43.-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you aregoing to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.44.-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asksme if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that Iswear I did not make any changes to.45."Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.46.-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of peoplewatching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but willthey judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren'twatching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up andleave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'47.-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times andgoes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phoneand run away?48.I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then notseeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.49.-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something shehasn't already told me but that I have learned from some lightinternet stalking.50.-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.51.-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruisingspeed for pedophiles...52.As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.53.-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and stillnot know what time it is.54.-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.55.-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know notto answer when they call.56.-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know whatdo to with it.57.-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their carkeys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on theDonkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snoozebutton from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first timeevery time...58.-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad whatwould happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond tothat?59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com andthe link takes me to a video instead of text.60.-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyonethey drive behind obeys the speed limit.61.-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.62.-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday orSaturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.63.-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag,saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to thinkabout it, and then estimated that there must be at least four peopleeating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating bymyself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastardbefore dinner
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Great Left Hook!!!
Today I took my 17 month old to get her 15 month old needles. (yes I'm a little behind in that) She was so good waiting for her turn, we ended up arriving 30 minutes early so the wait was a lot longer then usual, she was sweet to everyone. When it was our turn to go in, we sat and waited patiently. The doctor came in and she let him check her heart and lungs and check her teeth and look into her eyes and ear, but then it was needle time. She got one in her left arm first, and she let out this painful little yelp and began to whimper. The doctor began to do the right arm, and my daughter begins to growl this little growl and it gets louder and all of a sudden shes got this animal growl and brought up her left fist and hits the doctor in the face.
I laughed really really loudly, I didn't know what else to do..... unfortunately for my daughter she still had to get her second needle.
I laughed really really loudly, I didn't know what else to do..... unfortunately for my daughter she still had to get her second needle.
i miss sleep :(
so it's 5:33 in the morning and I'm still awake. kids are up in less then 3 hours. "why aren't you sleeping ?" you ask... well it could do with the fact that i cant stay still for the life of me. my legs need to cross and uncross, i need to reposition my self constantly while sitting, and i have the need to shake my arms or grab at anything just because they need to do something. while laying in bed i get my body in a comfortable position and i need to quickly get out of bed and stretch because my one leg has had a muscle spasm and has locked its self into an odd position, and i now look like a flamingo, just need to add feathers and a beak.
and while all this is happening to me, my wonderful husband is sleeping soundly. he looks so peaceful.... and here i have a pillow i dont need, i should give it to him... maybe cover his face with it.. :P
and while all this is happening to me, my wonderful husband is sleeping soundly. he looks so peaceful.... and here i have a pillow i dont need, i should give it to him... maybe cover his face with it.. :P
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